JxHQ: Heaven In Hiding
by DonnaJossee
Summary: Harleen Quinzel reminisces about what she was always taught about love, and contemplates exactly what she feels for her patient despite their sexual relationship and begins to fear that The Joker will use her feelings for him to destroy her inside-out. But what she doesn't expect is to willingly let him do so. (2 part one-shot. 2nd part will be posted later tonight.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Guess who's back? Ive missed you guys so much! Everything has been hectic the past month and I just needed a break but I'm better now and incredibly excited to get back into writing:) let me know what you think!**

 ** _Heaven In Hiding_**

 _pt. 1_

 _And when you start to feel the rush._

 _A crimson headache, aching blush._

 _And you surrender to the touch you'll know._

 _I can out on a show._

 _I can put on a show._

 _Don't you see what you're finding?_

 _This is heaven in hiding._

 _And when you start to look at me,_

 _A physical fatality._

 _And you surrender to the heat you'll know._

 _I can put on a show._

 _I can put on a show._

 _Don't you see what you're finding?_

 _This is heaven in hiding._

—Halsey

* * *

 _"Love." Harleen's mother says, scrubbing a pan in the kitchen sink._

 _Harleen rubbed her lips together, looking at the dictionary in her hands as she sat at the kitchen table._

 _Taking a deep breath, the 17 year old flipped through the book until she came upon the word._

 _"An intense feeling of deep affection." Harleen spoke gently and her mother picked up another dirty dish._

 _"Lust." The older woman spit._

 _Again, Harleen flipped to the word._

 _"Very strong sexual desire."_

 _"Love?"_

 _"An intense feeling of deep affection." Harleen repeated._

 _"Lust?"_

 _"Very strong sexual desire."_

 _"And that's all I have to say about it." Her mother dried her hands off, slamming the cabinet doors before she left Harleen to herself._

 _Harleen had told her mother that she felt as though she were in love with her boyfriend of only a few months and her mother wasn't taking it well._

 _"Mom," Harleen went after her, ending up in her parents bedroom. "This isn't lust. It's nowhere near lust. I really think this is the real deal—"_

 _"—Harleen, me and your father know the different between love and lust. And there is no way you can love this boy within a few months of dating."_

 _"But I do!" Harleen shouted, aggravated. "Why can't you understand this?"_

 _"Why can't you understand that you're being pathetic?!" Her mother barked back._

 _"I'm not being pathetic! I love him, Mom, and there's nothing else to be said about it because I've already told him!"_

 _Harleen's words hit her mother sharply. Her face falls as if she's actually going to kill her daughter._

 _"You what?" She whispers._

 _"I–I told him, mom." Harleen calms down. "I told him I loved him."_

 _Harleen wasn't expecting the slap she got next, her head whipping to the side from the amount of impact._

 _"Why would you do that, Harleen?" She forced her daughter to look at her, grabbing her jaw. "Why would you let him know that?!"_

 _"I'm sorr—"_

 _"—Stupid girl!" Her mother screamed, pushing her. "You don't let them know you care about them!" She continued and Harleen felt tears well in her eyes. "That's how they get to you!" She yells louder. "They find out you care for them and they use that to their advantage to get into your head and convince you to do awful, horrible, things for them!"_

 _Harleen stared, horrified at her mother._

 _Why was she saying this? Why was this a big deal_?

Harleen knew why her mother had gone off that day. Why she had said that.

 ** _Doctor Harleen Quinzel: youngest psychiatrist to take on the infamous Clown Prince of Crime._**

She glanced at the Newspaper clipping in her office before turning back to her patient.

"Now you're mad at me." The joker scoffed, rubbing his face.

Harleen snapped out of her daze and looked at him.

"Huh?" She asks innocently and he realized she'd really not been paying attention.

He looked at her, studied her.

She was in her white lab coat, her glasses perched on her nose. The blonde, long hair had been put into a pony tail coming over her shoulder. Her black blouse showed a bit more cleavage than usual, and J could even see a peek of deep purple lace from her bra.

He knew she'd had different plans than just sitting and pretending to remain in their "patient/doctor" guidelines.

They'd been screwing for two months, now.

And she was suddenly clamming up on him.

"Do you think we're in love?" She asked suddenly and he could've fallen out of his fucking seat.

Did he hear her correctly?

"I–What?" He leaned forward.

"Well, we've been doing this for quite some time . . . "

" . . . Two months isn't that long . . . " his tone was contrary to what she wanted to believe.

" . . . And I don't know how I feel about you." She ignored him and J looked around as if he were supposed to say something about how there wasn't a way to describe what they were because they were "them". Just the thought made him want to kill something.

"Harley." He spoke smoothly and she looked at him.

"Are we in love?" She repeated her question.

"Hmm," he thinks a moment. "Usually when you care for someone you want to hear about their day, actually sit down and have conversations, and bond." He thinks aloud. "Since all we've done the last two months is fuck each other's brains out, literally, I'd say it's more on the lust side than the love."

Harleen felt her heart sink a little and she shook her head.

"Absolutely not." She argued.

"Okay then we love each other." He raised his brows. "We take long walks on the beach and watch sunsets together—oh, oh, oh, and we even have a fucking apartment together!" He piped, amused.

"J, I'm being serious." She scolded him.

"Baby," he stood, walking around her desk to her. "We are friends." He brushes a hair from her face. "We just have very, very, _very_ beneficial circumstances." He explains with a sly grin and Harley found herself caught up in his eyes. "It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. Lust nor love. It's just a friendship." He knew he was lying. An obsession was more like it. On both of their parts.

Harleen wasn't satisfied with this answer and stood, angry.

"Get back into your hand cuffs." She tells him.

"Harley," his voice was low. He was irritated.

"You have came in me 3 times a week for the past 2 months, Mister Joker. If you think that's what a friend does to another, you have a pretty generous outlook on what friendship is." She snaps and he's shocked by her little outburst.

"We're just that close." He holds his hands up in defense.

"I don't let you penetrate me for the hell of it." She looks offended.

"Penetrate?" He was trying to take her seriously but it was getting harder for him to.

"I care about you." She finally got it out in the open. "I care about you. You're not just some easy access fuck to me." She crossed her arms and he felt his insides light up.

 _Bingo_.

"What're you trying to tell me?" He got closer to her and she looked up at him.

"I think I might love you." She admitted and he knew in that moment, that he had her wrapped around his pinky.

"Really now?" He perked up.

"Yes," she replied as he cupped her jaw almost roughly.

"Fantastic." He smiled silver and she felt breathless.

He was responding better than she thought he would.

Standing on her toes, she kissed him.

She kissed him with more enthusiasm and fire than anyone he'd ever kissed.

How could she not, though? She worshipped the ground he walked on.

Her mother's words came back to her and she found herself pushing J away.

"I–I have to go." She told him.

"I thought we were—"

"—I really have to go, J." She pleaded and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He put his cuffs back on, and when Harleen returned him to the guards to be taken to his cell, she clocked out and walked to her car.

She felt sick. Completely nauseas.

All she could think about was what her mother told her.

 _He wouldn't use you, Harleen._ She tried to tell herself. _You're different._

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get herself together as she felt a panic come in on her.

Oh, God, what would he do to her? She knew she had made a mistake by telling The Joker she loved him.

But she couldn't help it! He was attractive and funny . . . Among other things.

Harleen got into her car and shut the door, rubbing her forehead.

She needed to go home. She needed to get out of there.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Heaven In Hiding_**

 _Pt. 2_

The Joker paced in his cell, his mind running wild. Harleen had gone off on him, naturally he wanted to tie her to train tracks and take pictures as she was run over.

"But that's illegal and morally wrong." He scolded himself out loud before bursting into giggles. "J, you sadistic bastard." He whispered.

Maybe not kill her, but she needed to be put back into her place. She'd claimed to love him, which, wasn't new for him. All women think they love him but then when the hard times hit, when the honeymoon phase fades away, they run. They run because they can't take a hit, they can't handle his violent appetite, they can't control his hunger for power. God knows they try to, and if that doesn't get them killed then he sees it as them earning their life back from him.

They "love" him, they try to fix him, they fail miserably, and they leave.

He calls it the 4 stages of "you're fucking yourself over".

Harleen was in stage 1 and he knew eventually she'd hit stage 2. And with her persistence and his clinically proven will to resist any changes doctors try to make him conform to, he knew she'd probably end up dead.

He laughed.

She loved him. She loved him. She. Loved. Him.

"This is all coming together completely backwards!" He exclaimed, confused. "They usually love me before they have sex with me. Then again, she was more eager than anyone he'd ever been with. It took him a long time to get her to give into him, so he wasn't going to complain.

The lights shut off in the halls of Arkham, letting J know it was time for him to catch some shut eye, if he could manage to.

He stripped out of his jumpsuit and laid down in the uncomfortable "bed".

"Ah, what to do, what to do." He put his hands behind his head, bending his arms at the elbows as he thought.

* * *

Harleen was tossing and turning in bed, trying to get comfortable. She was tired, but not sleepy.

The Joker had to be the most difficult, hard-headed, ridiculously annoying, childish, unpredictable, sadistic, person she'd ever met ain her entire life. And it was so stupid to risk her career—hell, even her life—for him.

Did she really love him? That was the question she had to ask herself over and over.

She didn't want to think she did, but then again . . .

She knew her mother would throw a fit if she knew this.

Harleen thought back to everything she'd been taught about relationships.

"Let's see," she whispered to herself. "Patience, an open mind," she sighed. "Communication," she gasped at the word.

Communication, that was the only way to get to the bottom of this!

She sat up, completely disregarding the fact that The Joker wouldn't want to communicate anything about the situation, and put some descent cloths on before grabbing her keys.

* * *

The Joker hummed gently as he slept.

Harleen had gotten past the guard, being that he was dead asleep. She glanced around and saw that the camera for Joker's cell had already been busted.

She looked at the culprit, who was sleeping like a baby.

Should she really wake him up?

She thought about how she'd treated him today. How she got snappy with him over something that he couldn't really help. People can make themselves love other people. He couldn't force himself to love her. And love comes at its own pace. She huffed out a breath and took her jacket and shoes off, stepping to the small bed.

J was almost undisturbed as Harleen straddled him, pressing gentle, slow kisses up his chest, to his neck and jaw.

"Hmm," he groaned, waking up. He knew it was her, no one else had the balls to interrupt his slumber. "No, go away." He sounded like a child as he covered his eyes and turned his face from her.

"J," she whined. "I came here to talk to you."

"So you can be bitch and piss me off again." He mumbled and she crossed her arms.

"J," she grabbed his jaw and turned his face to face hers, but his eyes were still covered by his hands. She tried to take them off but he kept them there with the strength of god.

"Go away." He growled.

"You're being a child, Joker." She pointed out.

"Everyone in this damn city knows I'm a man-child, Harley." He shoots back, though his words are muffled.

She narrows her eyes, knowing what will make him listen.

"I came to apologize," she says and he opens a slit through his fingers and looks up at her with one eye.

"I'm listening." He tells her.

She smiles to herself.

"Daddy," she starts and he sits up.

"I'm listening intently now." He grins, his hands resting on her thighs and she chuckles.

"I know I was wrong today. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you." She rubs his jaw with her finger tips.

"And?" He raises his brows.

"I love you." She whispers.

He pushes her off of him and stands up, frustrated and angry.

"What is the big deal, J?" She asks him and he laughs.

"The big deal?! You, my doctor, confessing your undying love for me! That's the fucking big deal, Harleen!"

"You're angry because I love you?!"

"I'm angry because you expect me to feel the same way!"

Harleen looked confused and tried to think through it.

"No, I don't, J. I don't expect you to feel the same way, not anymore."

"Then why the fuck do you feel the need to fucking tell me you love me?"

"Because I want you to know I care about you! That's what normal couples do!"

His eyes bulged and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"We're a couple now?!" He growls out and she looks hurt.

"Joker—"

"I didn't know we were a fucking couple! When did that happen?!" He asks in a yell and she felt anger run through her.

"When you told me I belonged to you!" She stomped a foot.

"When the hell did I say that?!"

"The first time we slept together!" She screamed, matter of fact and he remembered the moment exactly.

He looked down, rubbing his face, pacing.

"I took that as 'I'm yours and you're mine'." She spoke hoarsely. "My mistake I guess." She put on her shoes and grabbed her jacket.

"Where are you going?" He asked, defensively.

"Leaving. I didn't come here to fight, I came here to make up. But everything's a fucking fight with you."

He grabs her wrist and slams her against the wall.

"We're not done with this." He points a finger at her.

"What's so bad about me being in love with you, J? You've said it before in our sessions that women have told you they loved you before and you found it amusing. I'd rather you be using this against me than pitching a fit over it, honestly." She looked up at him and he shook his head.

"I had a plan, Harley. I had a damn good plan and you are slowly but surely, ruining it." He states darkly. "You confuse me."

"I confuse you?" She scoffed. "Says the one who's trying to get me naked one minute and then screaming at me the next."

His tongue darts out to flicker across his lips and she feels her breathing start to shallow.

"My plan is back firing on me, that rarely ever happens." He shakes his head. "You weren't supposed to do this. You weren't supposed to act like this. I was expecting to get close to you, yeah, but not have you tell me you love me."

"Well excuse me." She looked offended and he traced her soft lips with his index finger.

"We all have things that we don't like about ourselves. Yours just happens to be that your heart lives in your vagina. You didn't know that. I didn't know that—"

"—My heart does not live in my vagina." She argued and he laughed. "You're just pissy because for once someone is doing something that you can't do."

This caught him off guard and he cut his eyes at her.

"What did you just say?"

"Oh, c'mon, J. Let's be honest, you don't fall in love with anyone but yourself. You aren't capable of possessing feelings for anyone. And you're so used to being able to do things that everyone else can do, and then some, and now you can't."

His hand never grasped her neck tighter or quicker.

"You listen to me, Doctor, I don't love you because I just don't fucking love you. It's not because I'm not capable of it, it's because I simply don't. And the truth is, you don't love me either. You're in love with the feeling of being with me. You're in love with how I make you feel, the attention I give you, the power you feel knowing that out of all the people in this damn city, I'm paying attention to you."

Harleen grabbed his wrist, trying to have some relief on her throat, but his grip tightens.

"I do love you," she gasped out. "Why can't you accept that?"

"Because I refuse to be brought down to something that simple. I can't just be loved, Harley."

He loosens his grip on her and she coughs.

"I don't just love you." She shakes her head. "I leave this Asylum and I go home and I read about you. Anything I can find about you, I read it, trying to figure you out. I spend hours and hours trying to figure out what I am getting myself into with you, trying to talk myself out of it but the truth is, J, I can't. I shower or change cloths and end up staring at myself in a mirror for 20 minutes looking at what you have done to me. I have bruises and scars where bruises and scars should never be, but it doesn't worry me." She shakes her head and he squeezes his eyes shut. "I lay in bed at night and touch myself because no matter what you do to me in our time together, I'm never satisfied. And it's not because you don't do your job. It's because I just want you that much. I'm constantly in need of a fix. I can't ever get enough of you. I don't just love you. I adore you. I crave you. I worship the ground you walk on, J. I don't expect you to love me back. I just want you to accept that I love you."

The Joker takes deep breaths, trying to stay calmed down. He turned away from her, walking to the opposite wall, hitting it once.

"J," she stepped to him. "Just let me in, this one time, please." She placed her hands on his shoulders, walking around to see his face.

He had his eyes closed, it looked like he was concentrating on thinking about something.

He was trying to keep his composure. Trying to keep from giving into her. Is this how she felt with him? All the months he'd tried to get her to give into him and she didn't? Did it take this much will power?

He felt pure heat radiating off her body as she reached her hand up and cupped his cheek, her other hand clinging to his bicep.

He kept telling himself not to do it. Don't give into her. Don't do this.

But she rested her forehead against his shoulder, trying to imagine what he was thinking.

He was thinking this was disgusting. This was something he didn't do. He knew he didn't love her. But damn it if he didn't feel something close to it, for her.

He felt her soft, plush lips against his jaw, and he lost it.

"Joker—" her words were caught off by a scorching kiss, and she felt her knees go weak.

Her hands ran up his chest and she felt him tugging at the hem of her tank-top.

She held her arms up and let him take it off as his teeth sunk into her bottom lip.

She didn't hesitate to take her bra off before her nails bit into his biceps.

She backed up, pushing him onto the mattress of the bed, taking off her yoga pants.

He took of his Arkham issued boxers and grabbed her wrist, pulling her onto him.

She giggled as his lips tickled her neck in soft kisses, only turning more and more rough.

"Harley," J breathed out, and Harleen rested her forehead against his. He sat up slowly, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Harleen had to do a double take when she opened her eyes. He looked almost . . . scared. No, not scared. More so terrified.

It wasn't in his facial expression, but those blue eyes said it all.

 _Don't make me regret trusting you, Kid._

She could practically hear his voice in her mind.

She laced her fingers in his soft hair and brought his lips back to hers.

He positioned himself at her wet entrance and forced her down roughly.

"Ah," she took a sharp breath, their eyes locking. His lashes fluttered for a split second, and she pressed one last kiss to his lips before pushing on his shoulders so he'd lay back down.

He ground his teeth together, watching as she started grinding on him.

He hated not being on top. And he knew she knew it. But at the moment, he was too entranced by her.

Her whole body felt as if it were on fire, this was possibly the best sex they'd had.

His hands moved from her thighs, up her torso, to her breast.

She threw her head back, her hands resting on his legs as she rolled her hips.

He groaned, and she smiled widely, feeling a personal satisfaction from hearing he was having a good time like she was.

That's when she went from just moving her hips to his, to moving up and down.

This was going to be the death of him.

She looked down at him again, he had this sexy, mesmerizing smirk on his face.

That's when he did it. He moved his hips up to meet hers, getting deeper into her and she fell forward, her hands bracing on his chest.

The more he did it, the more lost in him she got.

"Please," she whimpered, laying against him, her bare chest pressed against his.

He already knew what she was thinking and he brushed moved his finger tips to her cheek.

"I wouldn't stop for the world," he told her in a barely audible whisper.

She kissed him, possibly with more passion than either of them had ever been introduced to.

Her hand grabbed his from her face and their fingers interlocked.

Neither of them stopped until they'd both had their come apart.

They laid together, catching their breaths.

Harleen looked at him as he stared off, her tongue licked at her lips.

"Don't fuck this up, J." She said out of nowhere.

She didn't have to explain what "this" was. He knew.

He just smiled a little and rubbed at her shoulder with the arm that was tucked under her neck.

"Always." He replied, not bothering to look at her.


End file.
